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Intentionality, initiative, and integrity are expected to have a joyful, blessed, strong marriage.
Ruth 3:1-18 - 1 Then Naomi her mother-in-law said to her, “My daughter, should I not seek rest for you, that it may be well with you? 2 Is not Boaz our relative, with whose young women you were? See, he is winnowing barley tonight at the threshing floor. 3 Wash therefore and anoint yourself, and put on your cloak and go down to the threshing floor, but do not make yourself known to the man until he has finished eating and drinking. 4 But when he lies down, observe the place where he lies. Then go and uncover his feet and lie down, and he will tell you what to do.” 5 And she replied, “All that you say I will do.”
6 So she went down to the threshing floor and did just as her mother-in-law had commanded her. 7 And when Boaz had eaten and drunk, and his heart was merry, he went to lie down at the end of the heap of grain. Then she came softly and uncovered his feet and lay down. 8 At midnight the man was startled and turned over, and behold, a woman lay at his feet! 9 He said, “Who are you?” And she answered, “I am Ruth, your servant. Spread your wings over your servant, for you are a redeemer.” 10 And he said, “May you be blessed by the Lord, my daughter. You have made this last kindness greater than the first in that you have not gone after young men, whether poor or rich. 11 And now, my daughter, do not fear. I will do for you all that you ask, for all my fellow townsmen know that you are a worthy woman. 12 And now it is true that I am a redeemer. Yet there is a redeemer nearer than I. 13 Remain tonight, and in the morning, if he will redeem you, good; let him do it. But if he is not willing to redeem you, then, as the Lord lives, I will redeem you. Lie down until the morning.”
14 So she lay at his feet until the morning, but arose before one could recognize another. And he said, “Let it not be known that the woman came to the threshing floor.” 15 And he said, “Bring the garment you are wearing and hold it out.” So she held it, and he measured out six measures of barley and put it on her. Then she went into the city. 16 And when she came to her mother-in-law, she said, “How did you fare, my daughter?” Then she told her all that the man had done for her, 17 saying, “These six measures of barley he gave to me, for he said to me, ‘You must not go back empty-handed to your mother-in-law.’” 18 She replied, “Wait, my daughter, until you learn how the matter turns out, for the man will not rest but will settle the matter today.”
Would you agree that some relationships are more complicated than others— some of which, you choose and others are chosen for you. For example, we don’t choose our parents or siblings, but we do choose our friends and, in most cases, our spouses. Growing up in Pakistan in poverty and persecution, there were times when I wished that I was born into my friends’ houses for they had everything I wanted as a child. Irrespective of whether you choose relationships, or they are chosen for you, to have joyful, blessed, and lasting relationships you need God’s favor.
The problem is that no one person is the same as us. Therefore, conflict is inevitable in all relationships, especially when it comes to dating and marriage relationships. People need to know that unless they have favor with God, they cannot have favor with fellow humans.
In Ruth 4, Ruth had favor with God and therefore, her name is listed in the genealogy of Jesus. She is the only Gentile woman who has a book of the Bible to her name. Since she found favor with God, she also found favor with Naomi, Boaz, and the whole town. In Ruth 3:11, Boaz said about Ruth, “for all my fellow townsmen know that you are a worthy woman.”
The big idea is that no relationship can last without God’s favor. The question is, how do we find God’s favor in relationships, especially in dating and marriage? Ruth 3:1-18 outlines three expectations in pursuit of godly relationships: we are expected to be intentional, take initiatives, and have integrity.
We Are Expected to Be Intentional in Pursuing Godly Relationships (Ruth 3:1-5)
Intentionality is the key to all relationships. From the beginning, Naomi has been intentional about finding loving husbands for her widowed daughters-in-law. We see her intentionality in three areas:
First, spiritually. Naomi was intentional about praying. In Ruth 1:9, she prayed, “The Lord grant that you may find rest, each of you in the house of her husband!” God’s favor, as I said last time, is the grace of God, a free undeserving gift that you cannot earn. If you cannot earn it, you beg for it in prayer. That’s what Naomi did first. She prayed.
Second, strategically. Naomi was intentional about planning. What started as a prayer in faith, Ruth 3:1-5 turns into strategic planning in faith to find a loving home for Ruth. Verse 1 in the ESV translation reads, “Then Naomi her mother-in-law said to her, “My daughter, should I not seek rest for you, that it may be well with you?” ” The word “rest” (Hebrew מָנוֹחַ “Manoach”) is a state of rest and security, which in this context, relates to the rest and security a woman finds in the house of a loving husband. The NIV translates verse 1 as, “My daughter, I must find a home for you, where you will be well provided for.”
Naomi is a wise, older, caring woman. She knew once the harvest came to an end, both the provision of food and provision of protection for this young lady, Ruth, would come to an end, also. So, she intentionally nudges Ruth in a direction that will land her in a loving home. In Ruth 3:2a, Naomi asks Ruth, “Is not Boaz our relative, with whose young women you were?”
Third, socially, Naomi was intentional about preparing. Since Boaz could protect and provide for Ruth beyond the harvest season, in faith, Naomi prayed, planned, and prepared Ruth, should God give her favor with Boaz.
In verses 2-4, she prepares Ruth to execute her plan to propose to Boaz. She says, “2b See, he [Boaz] is winnowing barley tonight at the threshing floor. 3 Wash therefore and anoint yourself, and put on your cloak and go down to the threshing floor, but do not make yourself known to the man until he has finished eating and drinking. 4 But when he lies down, observe the place where he lies. Then go and uncover his feet and lie down, and he will tell you what to do.”
The last phrase, “he will tell you what to do,” could be a test. If Boaz is truly a godly man, he will prove it by his actions because, in those days, only prostitutes came to the threshing floor for business. Perhaps this is why some commentators think Naomi asking Ruth to wash and put on her best clothes is a devious plan to seduce Boaz.
I strongly disagree because it is possible that as a widow, Ruth hadn’t finished her period of mourning and was still in a mourning veil. In Arab culture, the widow has to wait for one-third of a year before remarrying so that she can mourn. In Judaism, there was and is a set time of mourning for a widow too. Also, in those days, people didn’t shower, or bathe regularly like we do. Ruth may not have had a bath for some time. It is also possible that it was merely an attempt to make her presentable for a wedding proposal. Even in our culture if you go out on a date, you clean yourself up, don’t you?
And in Ruth 3:5, Ruth responses, “And she [Ruth] replied, “All that you say I will do.””
When none of my siblings were married, spiritually, my mom regularly prayed that God may give her favor and give her children godly spouses. Socially, she shared the need with others so that when they come across a godly match, they can connect my parents with them. Naomi is acting as a matchmaker here. She heard Ruth speaking highly of Boaz. So, in faith, she devises a plan and prepares Ruth to execute it.
The application is to be intentional about pursuing godly relationships and, in faith, bring your desire before the Lord in prayer. Then plan and prepare yourself for it.
We Are Expected to Take Initiatives in Pursuing Godly Relationships (Ruth 3:6-13)
Our intentionality should be evident in the initiatives we take. In Ruth3:6-13, as the story moves from praying, planning, and preparing to execution, we see Ruth take initiative in faith.
Against the cultural norm, Ruth brings the marriage proposal to Boaz. This may seem risky. If it worked, not only would it procure a place of rest for Ruth but also the name of the family of Elimelech would live on through the union of Ruth and Boaz.
Verses 6-7 says, “6 So she [Ruth] went down to the threshing floor and did just as her mother-in-law had commanded her. 7 And when Boaz had eaten and drunk, and his heart was merry, he went to lie down at the end of the heap of grain.” Boaz was sleeping on the threshing floor to guard against thieves who may try to steal the harvest in the middle of the night.
Then Ruth came softly and uncovered his feet and lay down. There is no seduction here. She is lying at his feet like a servant or slave. In Eastern culture, if you fall at the feet of another person, it is a sign of submission, desperation, and humiliation.
Ruth uncovered Boaz’ feet so that at some point, he would feel cold and wake up to cover them and discover Ruth. This is exactly what happens in verses 8-9b, “8 At midnight the man was startled and turned over, and behold, a woman lay at his feet! 9a He said, “Who are you?” 9b And she answered, “I am Ruth, your servant.” ”
Some try to sexualize the next statement that Ruth makes. In verse 9c, she says, “Spread your wings over your servant, for you are a redeemer.” All that she is attempting to do is to remind Boaz of what he said in his first encounter with Ruth in chapter 2:12, which says, “The Lord repay you for what you have done, and a full reward be given you by the Lord, the God of Israel, under whose wings you have come to take refuge!”
Ruth takes the initiative to tell Boaz that God, in His providence, brought her under his wings to take refuge and it is no coincidence that he happens to be a redeemer. The word redeemer here in Hebrew is a four-letter word goel which is kinsman-redeemer. In Mosaic law, the kinsman-redeemer was a male relative who had the tremendous responsibility of rescuing and restoring a family member.
In Leviticus 25:48, he was obligated to buy an Israelite relative out of slavery. In Leviticus 25:25, he was to buy the land and the inheritance that his relative forfeited. In Numbers 35:19, his responsibility was to avenge the blood of his relative.
Jesus, our redeemer, did that for us all. Galatians 4:1-7 says Jesus bought us out of slavery by paying the price for our sins with His life. Colossians 1:13 says spiritually Jesus delivered us from the domain of darkness to His Kingdom and according to Revelation at His second coming, Jesus will take the earth back from Satan which Eve and Adam forfeited in Eden and avenge the blood of all saints.
The redeemer-kinsman, the goel, in Jewish law, was also obligated to carry on the family name by marrying the childless widow so that the inheritance and the family name may live on. We find that in Deuteronomy 25:5. This is why Ruth appealed to Boaz to be her divinely appointed goel as redeemer-kinsman.
Boaz responds, “And he said, “May you be blessed by the Lord, my daughter. You have made this last kindness greater than the first in that you have not gone after young men, whether poor or rich.” Boaz knew he was out of her league; yet Ruth saw in him a man of character and integrity, a man who could provide and protect her.
I know that, in our politically-correct culture, this is not what ladies are supposed to look for but that is what we see here. Ruth 3:11-13 continues, “11 And now, my daughter, do not fear. I will do for you all that you ask, for all my fellow townsmen know that you are a worthy woman. 12 And now it is true that I am a redeemer. Yet there is a redeemer nearer than I. 13 Remain tonight, and in the morning, if he will redeem you, good; let him do it. But if he is not willing to redeem you, then, as the Lord lives, I will redeem you. Lie down until the morning.” Boaz appreciated Ruth’s initiative and said yes to the marriage proposal. However, it was contingent upon the response of the other kinsman-redeemer.
My wife and I often talk about the night we met. The very reason we got together was because of our love for Jesus and missions. We discovered that we both are pastors’ kids and both loved missions work. However, it was she who took the initiative to let me know that she was interested in me. She said, “I like you. You are a nice boy,” and I blushed and replied, “You are a nice boy, too.” However, it was I who first said, “I love you” and then later it was I who proposed marriage to her. Today, too many people spend too much time playing games.
As an application, let me challenge all the single people here. If you have been praying for your significant other, then, in faith, you should take the initiative because we are expected to take initiative in pursuing Godly relationships.
We Are Expected to Have Integrity in Pursuing Godly Relationships (Ruth 3:14-18)
Ruth 3:14 continues, “So she lay at his feet until the morning, but arose before one could recognize another. And he said, “Let it not be known that the woman came to the threshing floor,” ” because Boaz did not want Ruth to get a bad reputation since in that time, prostitutes would come to the threshing floor for business. This also shows Boaz’s character.
Boaz is a man of integrity as seen in verses 15-17, “15 And he said, “Bring the garment you are wearing and hold it out.” So she held it, and he measured out six measures of barley and put it on her. Then she went into the city. 16 And when she came to her mother-in-law, she [Naomi] said, “How did you fare, my daughter?” Then she [Ruth] told her all that the man had done for her, 17 saying, “These six measures of barley he gave to me, for he said to me, ‘You must not go back empty-handed to your mother-in-law.’”
Knowing Boaz to be a man of integrity, Naomi replies in verse 18, “Wait, my daughter, until you learn how the matter turns out, for the man will not rest but will settle the matter today.” Nowadays, we have too few people with integrity.
Back in New York, we had a friend who served as a missionary overseas. When she returned, she wanted to settle down. One day, in a conversation, she said she was fed up with the dating culture in the U.S. She could not believe that even men professing to be Christians acted like the world. Too many men in the church are leading double lives. They act like the world when they are in the world but act like believers when among believers.
The application is to always be people of integrity as you pursue godly relationships.
When I was in a youth group, I heard a message about praying for your spouse. I was too young to understand marriage, but I began to pray for my future wife. Seventeen years ago, when the Lord brought Sarah into my life, I did not stop praying. I always prayed for God’s will for both of us and the day when we got married, I began to pray for our marriage.
Married people: this message is not only for singles; it is for you too. Conflicts are inevitable in all relationships and no relationship can last unless we have favor with God. God’s favor in your relationship depends on your intentionality to pray for your marriage regularly. Intentionality, initiative, and integrity are not only expected in finding a spouse but also to have a joyful, blessed, strong marriage. This will stop you from being a casualty of the high divorce rate in our country.
As we close there are several action steps I would like to propose:
To the parents. If you have little children, please start praying for their spouses now. I have been praying for my children and their spouses before they were born. I know I could raise godly children but if they marry the wrong people, their lives can be a living hell. As they grow in a culture where progressive liberal thought is affecting Christian communities, it is our job to help our children understand how to pursue godly relationships in dating and marriage.
To the single men. Do not compromise your Christian witness in a dating relationship. Respect the boundaries and do not touch what is not yours. Like Boaz, be men of integrity and do what is godly and responsible. Also, do what you say you will do and date to marry.
To the single ladies. Be patient and do not rush decisions that can build or destroy your future. There are way too many deadbeat men out there who have no character, integrity, or work ethic. Don’t fool yourself in thinking that you can fix what is broken; it is only going to hurt you.
My appeal to you all who are prayerfully seeking a life partner for yourself or a loved one, look for a godly character and not just gorgeous bodies. In a dating relationship, make sure you pay close attention to whether your date makes any mention of Jesus, faith, or church. If Jesus is the priority, it will come up on the first date. Don’t get into a relationship that is not Christ-centric. You cannot expect God’s favor in your relationship if you knowingly go against God and rebelliously jump into a mess that God cannot bless.
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